Don't Go Drinking With Hobbits

by Marc Gunn

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1.
There’s no finer place to me In all the wide world round Than when I’m digging taters Or planting in the ground. Seeding in the Springtime, Harvesting in the Fall… Tending vines in Summer, The best times of them all. I plant me corn and carrots, Taters, herbs, and peas. Sometimes watermelons, And tomatoes, if I please. And – of course – some Mushrooms, Buried deep in bark So they grow big and juicy– Hidden in the dark. There’s nothing finer to me, Than working in the dirt Weeding, hoeing, planting, Until your muscles hurt. It is an honest labor The finest one around… Yes, there is nothing better Than digging in the ground. So come on down to visit I’ll cook you up a stew And if you bring a coney, I’ll add it in there too!
2.
Where once the land was green and fine and life was safe and slow– the world has turned too far around and dealt a crippling blow. For Men have come to Bywater and sullied up the Shire They’ve cut the trees, torn down the Mill, and set the fields on fire! A hobbit’s pride’s in hearth and home and now they’ve tried to break it– We’ll only bear so many trials before we will not take it! ‘Tis time for taking back our land! We can no longer stand it. Even a timid hobbit’s soul will fight when things demand it! So heed the call, my fellows– bring bow, and club, and ire– And stand with us in Hobbiton We’re scouring the Shire! It doesn’t take a thousand swords to best these evil Men… It only takes your courage– and together we will win! They often overlook us They think the Halflings tame Let’s show them quite another side– they won’t forget our names! The Silver horn is blowing All heed its clarion call They never should have pushed us ‘Til our backs were to the wall! We’ll fight for home and country We’ll fight because we must. And we will win our freedom, because our cause is just! For home and hearth, not glory We’ll fight until they tire… It’s Small Folk ‘gainst the Big Ones and we’re scouring the Shire! And when we raise a glass again Beside the tavern’s fire– for sure there’ll be a toast or two to scouring the Shire!
3.
Don't go drinking with hobbits. Sure, you'll have a grand time all night long. But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends You may not want to wake up at all. They were thoughtful and kind when they invited me to drink, A lone human among hobbitkind. They bought me a half, then another and one more And told stories of days long gone by. The brew was strong. My glass never empty, As if time stood still and bare. But when I awoke the next morning I felt like Old Smaug had been there. You may wonder how it all happened. Well, I'm still wondering what happened too. I had tea, dinner, and supper. Quite full, I thought I was through. But they insisted I come to the Flagon And drink to the health of new friends. But when I go there, I met more hobbit friends And the toasts seemed never to end. When the sun it rose the next morning, And I lifted my head from my drool, There were beer mugs spilled on the tables And hobbits lying next to their stools. A young hobbit lass grinned cross the barroom And nudged each of my new hobbit friends. Then sometime after second breakfast We all started drinking again. I left Hobbiton a few days later. My head it was swollen and sore. It felt like a dwarven anvil After a terrible war. I don't think I'll ever recover From the food, the drink, and the cheer. And I swear I'll never drink with hobbits again At least, not till I see them next year.
4.
02:26
It's not that they're unfriendly– Though they treat me like a child They're just so Otherworldly– Distant, Free, and Wild. They tower there above me Like moonlight come to skin Their eyes glitt'ring like diamonds So pale, and cold, and thin... They whisper jokes in Elvish and laugh over my head They make me feel so foolish I wish that I were dead... But when it comes to courage No finer can be found And they're the best beside you when Trouble's sniffing round. Yes, friends among the Elf Lords is quite a wondrous treat But I'd rather be a Hobbit from head to furry feet.
5.
When I was young, I'd sit around Bag End with Bilbo. Singing songs and tales about the Elves of Old. While we smoked our Southern Star. A leaf of golden par That transformed the hobbits' life forever more. O' Gandalf was exceptional among men. He mastered the Art, blew smoke-rings and dragons. But if only he had known That Bilbo's ring was the one, He'd never let it corrupt my master's soul. Let the West wind blow My ring of smoke Over through Mordor The One Ring of hope. Now the kids all sit around my Bag End home. And I tell stories to them, though not of old. Well the pipe-weed is still the same. But my memories are out of frame. Transformed by my love of Master Frodo. Now the ring is gone and my master's sailed to his new home. And I have no pipe with me for one last smoke. But I can see the Southern Star Please take me to where you are. Before the sadness inside floats away with my smoke.
6.
7.
Said the worm to the bird, "Don't swallow me!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum But the bird did swallow that worm quickly With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the bird to the cat, "Don't eat my feathers!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum But the cat pounced on that bird in the heather With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the cat to the dog, "Don't bite my tail!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum But the dog did chomp and the cat did wail With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the dog to the stick, "Don't beat me!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. But the stick was swung to the dog's yelping With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the stick to the fire, "Don't burn me!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. But the stick did burn oh so brightly With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the fire to the water, "Don't put me out!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. But the water splashed down, there was no drought With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the water to the horse, "Don't drink me!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. But the horse drank all, like hobbit with tea With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the horse to the hobbit, "Don't ride me!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. But the hobbit climbed up quite tentatively With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. Said the hobbit to the horse, "Please don't buck me!" With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. But the horse did kick and the hobbit flew free With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum. With a hi di dum ba da diddle i dum!
8.
Give us a pint I'll pay for this round And do it without a fight Come the sun I'm outward bound So let's get drunk tonite Yes, let's get drunk tonite The time has come to leave the Shire And roam the wild world green I've heard the tales of broader dales And things I've never seen I have no taste for farming life– I leave that to my brother– I want to roam far from my home and maybe find another. CHORUS: Give us a pint I'll pay for this round And do it without a fight Comes the sun, I'm outward bound So let's get drunk tonight! Yes, let's get drunk tonight! I want to see the towers of Men that rise up to the sky, and see the dells where wood elves dwell and give dwarf beer a try! CHORUS I was not made for hearth and home I've known this from my youth. I've a restless soul with no fixed goal if you wanna know the truth. CHORUS So let's all drink till we are drunk let beer flow like a fountain– I'll soon be gone a-travelling on, over hill and dale and mountain... CHORUS: Give us a pint I'll pay for this round And do it without a fight Comes the sun, I'm outward bound So let's get drunk tonight! Yes, let's get drunk tonight! ...Oh, let's get drunk tonight! ..Yes, let's get drunk tonight!
9.
Everybody needs a drinking song Everybody needs a carol– Everybody needs a drinking song So tap another barrel! Some like to drink the whole night long Some like to drink like fishes Some like to drink the whole night long So best bring in more dishes! Some like to munch on mushroom pie Some like to eat stewed rabbits Some like to munch on mushroom pie So hone your cooking habits! Some like to smoke Old Toby leaf Some like to smoke a pipe Some like to smoke Old Toby leaf So don’t let’s hear you gripe! Some like to dress in their best clothes Some like to dress real fine Some like to dress in their best clothes So show me yours, I’ll show you mine… Some like to sing along with me Some like to sing quite cheery Some like to sing along with me So let’s make this one “beery!” Some like to drink the whole night long Some like to drink all night Some like to drink the whole night long So let’s do it up right!
10.
03:44
As I went down to Frodo's side A tearin' off to Bree I thought I'd soon be coming home My Rosie girl to thee, to thee My Rosie girl to thee My Master needed me to hand– and Gandalf bid me go but still I thought 'twould not be long, before I called "Hello! Hello!" "Before I called "Hello!" But Bree was just a starting step on a journey far and wide and I despaired of coming home to be there by your side, your side to be there by your side. At Weathertop, the shades drew 'round and I fought for my life– but all my thoughts kept turning home... until the Witch-King's knife, his knife until the Witch-King's knife. I couldn't leave my Master hurt– he needed Elrond's care so on we pushed toward Rivendell and the mighty elf lord there, lord there the mighty elf lord there. And when Frodo was well again, and the Fellowship was named, I could not let him go alone... though I would not be blamed, be blamed though I would not be blamed. I followed at my Master's side through Moria, to the trees, and Galadriel saw to my heart– as neat as e'er you please, you please as neat as e'er you please. And on we went, through Shelob's lair up to the great Black Gate and every night I dreamed of you, and said a prayer to Fate, to Fate and said a prayer to Fate. The Ring is gone; I turn toward home at last my steps retrace– and pray that you'll be waiting there, a smile upon your face, your face a smile upon your face. Oh, Rose, you are my own true love, I'll stay there by your side if ever I come home again to claim a blushing bride, a bride... to claim a blushing bride.
11.
There’s many an inn dotting the Shire that serves a lovely brew From Bywater to Bree they say you’ll want a pint or two The finest Stout, or nut-brown ale, the taste comes shining through– and if you raise a glass to me, I’ll drink a toast to you! * We’ll have a pint — a pint — a pint We’ll have a pint of stout And when we’ve drunk it bottom up, we all will give a shout — (all) Hurrah! The Ivy Bush, the Green Dragon, the Pony o’er in Bree Let’s make the rounds of Hobbit towns and have a pint or three A half-a-pint is fine for lads of less than thirty-three but I will drink a full with you, if you will drink with me! A toast, a toast, to friend and host a toast to bonny brew! We’ll lift a glass to seasons past and adventures yet to do We’ll toast each lass that we have met and some we wish we knew… and then at last we’ll stagger home… and tomorrow start anew!
12.
13.
A well-dressed hobbit braids his toes because it is the fashion oh! A well-dressed hobbit braids his toes to go down to the pub, y'know. And then he puts on his best trews because it is the fashion oh! With his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. He fastens up his braces tight To make sure that his trews hang right Braces tight, his best trews, braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. Next he fastens up his shirt with buttons sewn by Gramma Gert His Gert shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. Next he tops it with a vest– which pulls real tight across his chest– Vest, his shirt, braces tight, his best trews, and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. And in one pocket watch and chain so he'll know to come home again Watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. In the other pocket his pipe goes to make the smoke rings that he blows, Smoke ring pipe, watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. And with his pipe he has long leaf 'cause no tobacco leads to grief… Long leaf, pipe, watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. Over all he wears a coat to make sure his couture is haute… His haute coat, long leaf, pipe, watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. Last he often adds a hat so his hair stays nice and flat Hat, haute coat, long leaf, pipe, watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. And in one hand he totes a mug the better for his ale to glug… Mug, hat, coat, long leaf, pipe, watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know. And finally his walking stick to keep his footing on the brick Walking stick, mug, hat, coat, long leaf, pipe, watch, vest, shirt, braces tight, his best trews and braided toes to go down to the pub, y'know
14.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR HOBBIT & FRIEND. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAY THE FUN NEVER END. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR ... [INSERT NAME] HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR HOBBIT & FRIEND.
15.
I'd like to thank you all my friends For coming here today A testament to our friendship And I'd really like to stay But now at least the time near The sun is fading low I hope to see you soon again But now it's time to go. Now it's time to go, Now it's time to go, I hope to see you soon again but now it's time to go! Dear Bagginses n' Boffins, Chubbs n' Grubbs, Burrowses and Tooks Bracegirdles, Bolgers, Goodbodies, Hornblowers, Brockhouses n' Proudfoots (Proudfeet!) A humble thanks to those I missed, my intent is not to do so For your friendship each is a blessed thing, but now it's time to go. Now it's time to go, Now it's time to go, For your friendship each is a blessed thing, but now it's time to go! On the twenty-second of September, I'll always recollect. And Frodo too with all of you makes a Gross of my select. Hobbits and friends and Gandalf too with a wonderful firework show. One last regret I'll share with you is now it's time to go. Now it's time to go, Now it's time to go, One last regret I'll share with you is now it's time to go. but now it's time to go! Now it's time to go, Now it's time to go, I hope to see you soon, my friends, but now it's time to go!
16.
17.
04:24
Cat and Rat went out one day A-travelling through the wood-o, Cat and Rat went far away Out from their neighborhood-o. With me right-da-do 5 Da-diddl-i-lee Me right-da-diddle-li die do Cat, he was a bit worried… To roam so far from home-o… Rat he scoffed, as he scurried, “You’re such a silly gnome-o!” “Oh come along,” cried ol’ Rat, A-quirking with his finger, “Call it an adventure, Cat! There’s no need for to linger—” Cat, he was more worried still… He thought they shouldn’t go-o Rat replied, his voice quite shrill, “Come on, Cat – don’t be slow-o!” Cat and Rat were lost in play As they went through the trees-o. Cat forgot to watch the way As Rat did poke and tease-o… “Rat,” said Cat, “it’s getting cold.” His voice had lost all cheer-o… “Let me ask a question bold… Where do we go from here-o?” “Look,” said Rat, “you see that glow? A-shining bright and warm-o? I bet that’s the way to go— It sure won’t do no harm-o.” Cat, he thought Rat might be wrong, but he was easy-going, Wouldn’t do to stand there long It had begun a-snowing! Rat, he marched up to the door and rapped upon it smartly. Knocked until his paw was sore– and then it opened…partly. Cat and Rat they saw a nose and two eyes brightly glowing. Rat, he rocked back on his toes with all his teeth a-showing. “Can we sleep here for the night?” Asked Rat at his most char-ming. The door opened wide and bright, Which should have been alarming. Once the door was closed and barred, they noticed their mis-take-o– Bear it was a-standing there! And they began to shake-o… Bear, he put them in a cage– their protests sharp and shrill-o. Bear, he laughed to hear them rage… They may be in there still-o! Listen to my warning, lads and all you lasses too-o— Wand’ring too far from your dads, Might be the end of you-o!
18.
Gin, vodka, bourbon, rum Scotch, wine, mead and ale Beer in bottles, glasses, pints in colors dark and pale… “Do you fancy a drink?” the barkeep called, his hand upon the tap. I pulled up a stool and joined him there a maid upon my lap. I raised my glass to toast the drink whatever form it takes. There’s nothing finer this wide world ’round than the stuff the brewer makes. Whoever first made Hops to beer Was such a clever sort The only drink That’s better is a Lovely glass of port. But beer is better In a mug, A-drinking at a bar. It can make strangers Into friends, no matter Where you are. We drank a toast The lass and I, Then we drank another. We would have Drunk all night long but the barkeep was her brother!
19.
20.
The time will come for leaving… I know you cannot stay But later for the grieving… You’re here with me today. I’d rather tend my garden Than wander down the road And so, I beg your pardon, I will not share your load. Parting is sweet sorrow– Or so the ballads say… But that is for tomorrow, When you go on your way. I’ll share with you my finest wine And mushrooms from the glen The last time that we two shall dine Till you come back again. I hope it brings you pleasure– Whatever ’tis you lack… But for me, the greatest treasure Will be seeing you come back. So raise a glass in parting, but grant me just one boon– Although your trip’s just starting, Say it will be ending soon.

about

There you are at the Sign of the Prancing Pony in Bree, when you hear the sounds of rollicking song inside. You push open the heavy oak door to see small hobbits dancing on the bar, spilling beer and singing at the top of their lungs.

Little did you know that there are scores of great hobbit drinking songs. Marc Gunn, The Celtfather, met up with Daisy Brambleburr of Bindbale Wood (aka Rie Sheridan Rose) in Hobbiton to discuss and share the drinking songs of the hobbits. He came back with a plethora of great hobbit songs and tunes to share in his newest album, Don’t Go Drinking With Hobbits.


About the Album

Three years ago, the Brobdingnagian Bards were invited to perform at the first A Long Expected Party where they celebrated a reenactment of Bilbo Baggins’ birthday party. It was an amazing event, a weekend of high adventure, stories, songs, legends, languages, art, and more.

Now, the same folks who brought us that bring us There & Back Again for another weekend of Tolkien bliss. Once again, Marc Gunn will be there to perform.

It was the first party that inspired the idea this album of hobbit drinking songs. Gunn loves Lord of the Rings. It is one of the reasons the Brobdingnagian Bards recorded Memories of Middle Earth. While Memories of Middle Earth featured music inspired by Lord of the Rings, this album also shares Marc Gunn’s love of drinking songs and fun songs with which you can sing-along.

With this album, Gunn asked the question, what kind of songs might the hobbits sing in a pub in The Shire?

Together with many lyrics by Rie Sheridan Rose, Gunn composed music from the hobbit’s perspective. Most of the songs you might hear in a pub. It’s music for people… with character, heart, and passion. It’s music for the olde times and new. It’s music for me and you. It’s music for hobbits and those who love them.

credits

released October 22, 2011

Many thanks to the following musicians who helped make this CD happen: Samantha Gillogly, Jamie Haeuser, Bethany McLyr, Jimmy Rimmer, Jake Weller of Brigands' Folie, Alex Boyd TheLoneGunman, Floyd Brigdon of Triskelion, Terry Griffith, Laurent Leemans, Jon Richardson and Daniel I. Briggs of Dogs in Doublets, Dene Foye of Ghost of a Rose, and Matthew Hughes.

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Marc Gunn Atlanta, Georgia

Marc Gunn is a rhythm and folk musician inspired by Celtic culture, science fiction, fantasy, and cats--Sci F'Irish music.

He breathes new life into the autoharp, which continues to surprise musical veterans and fans alike for its unique sound and spirited energy. It’s like a satirical jam session between The Clancy Brothers and Weird Al Yankovic.
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  • Sep 24
  • Oct 01
  • Oct 08

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